In life, entrepreneurial and cultural mythology, and Heroik chronicles neglect to tell you all the important stages of self development required before you run off to slay dragons and conquer the world. The facts are that everyone comes ill equipped and most turn around and give up. If you want to succeed you’ll need to pursue life whole heartedly, with a sense of worthiness. People who have a strong sense of worthiness, have a strong sense of love and belonging. The difference between those that have it and those that struggle for it and wonder if they’re good enough is simply belief. People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe that they are worthy of love and belonging.
The way the whole hearted live. The following tips are based on over 8 years of research by Dr. Brene Brown and are pulled from common traits of those who feel worthy and live with a strong sense of love and belonging. So, how do you achieve worthiness?
1. Believe you are worthy of love and belonging. If you can’t believe this and look for validation from others you will struggle in codependency and will be easily manipulated by the world. You are worthy. Know it. Love it. Live it.
2. Have the courage to be imperfect. Courage- from the latin word cour means heart, tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Bravery is about having pluck, being bold and gallant. You’ll need it to be courageous.
3. Have the compassion to be kind to yourself first so that you can be kind to others. Stop beating yourself up. When you are kind to yourself, you are naturally kind to others and your quality of life improves.
4. Be authentic. Have connection as a result of authenticity. This is a song on my personal soundtrack. Authenticity is a big part of a happy and healthy life.
5. Let go of who you think you should be to embrace who you actually are. The standards of others fit like shoes of others. Some fit, some don’t. Wear your own. Be yourself. Choose what is right for you.
6. Fully embrace vulnerability. I call it living comfortably uncomfortable. It’s not easy. It’s not agony. It’s necessary.
What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.
- The willingness to say I love you first
- The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees
- The willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.
- This is fundamental.
7. Remind yourself about the choices you make. You choose to be with someone. Acknowledge the risk. It might not work out but that’s okay. I am grateful and proud of my relationship because my girlfriend and I have these really great habits. We talk about our circumstances as choices, we acknowledge risk (and laugh at them), we choose love, we choose each other (all over again each and every day), and we practice gratitude in every terrifying moment.
4 System Wide Habits to Halt
1. Most people numb vulnerability, and everything. We are the most in debt, obese, medicated, addicted in U.S. history.
You can’t just numb the bad stuff, shame, fear, guilt, “just give me a beer and 3 pieces of chocolate cake and it will all be okay.” You can’t selectively numb emotions. So when you numb the bad ones, you also cut-off access to gratitude, joy and happiness in a self perpetuating cycle of misery.
2. We make everything that’s uncertain certain. There’s no mystery or conversation. I’m right. You’re wrong. Shut up.
3. We perfect. We lie to ourselves with unhealthy expectations and struggle to meet them.
4. Most People bullshit and pretend what we do does not have an impact.
It’s time we traded and upgraded to some better ways. Here are 4
8. Let yourself be seen, deeply vulnerably seen.
9. Love with your whole heart even if there’s no guarantee.
10. Practice gratitude and joy in moments of terror.
11. Believe that you are enough. When you believe that you are enough, you are kinder and gentler to others and kinder and gentler to ourselves.
Based on my life experience and recently reinforced from reading the collected works of Dr. Brene Brown, her research on shame, fear and our struggle for worthiness. I highly recommend her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Now, when you’re done ironing your cape, leave a comment. Like and share this post with a friend, and get out there and Get Heroik.
Bonus Footage: TED Talk from Dr. Brown. Enjoy 🙂